Sunday, 5 December 2010

SPEAKEASY

[Originally published in Bent: http://mag.bent.com]

It's no secret that language is adapting. Already we have the internet contracting conversations to streams of capital letters and symbols denoting emoticons. But we find it's not quite adapting fast enough. Here at Bent Towers we have a range of emotions and sentiments we'd love to see expressed in more economical terms. So in order to aid the evolution of the English language (and bitch in a more timely fashion), here are our favourite new anagrams.

LOML – Lets out maniacal laughter. For those moments when you laugh like an absolute maniac.

WLC – Wanks like crazy.

LWEG – Laughs with evil glee. For all those Dr Evil moments.

FUA – Flirts unabashedly. For those times you're being an absolute tease.

CS – Cybersex. As in 'Fancy some quick CS?'

CSA – Cybersex addict. Not the now-defunct Child Support Agency.

PW – Phone wank. As in 'Fancy a quick PW?'

ALS – Annoying lesbo sycophant.

AFHS – Annoying faghag sycophant.

HBS – Hot bush sex. I.e., cruising on the heath.

GVBS – Gives virtual bitch-slap. For when cocky little princesses diss your outfit.

SYBH – Slaps you back to Hell.

FOD – Friend(s) of Dorothy. It just saves typing it all out, really.

LGB – Local gay bar.

DDGB – Dirty dark gay bar. The places bears go.

IMNSHO – In my not-so-humble opinion. We already have IMO and IMHO, so why not get cocky about it?

B/T/FOSB – Blogging/tweating/Facebooking out of sheer boredom. We all do it.

RLQ/VLQ – Rancid little queen/vile little queen. This could be anyone.

NAS – Non-anal sex. For the vanilla types.

FOAS – Full-on anal sex.

DBDL – Dirty backdoor lovin'!

DDQ – Dangerous drag queen. Makes sense really.

DIM – Diva-in-making. Should probably be used disparagingly.

CFCG/CFCF – Cruising for cock on Gaydar/Fitlads.

MH(H)G – Minces (her) hips gaily.

BUFS – Butches up for the show. You know, when you butch up to fit in with your hetero mates, or when you do it to attract a scally.

PLDB – Prissy little diva bitch. You know the type. They're four years younger than you and think they rule the scene. Then they get drunk and cry because you call them a PLDB, which only justifies the insult.

BITCH – Beyonce is the coolest homo. And you know it!

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